The Mental Symptoms of Perimenopause Nobody Warned Me About

A few years ago, around 37 or 38, I was in one of the hardest seasons of my life.

Both my husband and I were stretched thin at work. We had a close family member who was very sick. A close friend was battling cancer. Life felt heavy, full, and emotionally exhausting all at the same time.

I had three young kids. My youngest was three or four, and I remember thinking I was finally getting through the baby years. In my mind, life should have been starting to feel a little lighter.

Instead, I felt like I was working twice as hard just to keep up.

What I didn't realize at the time was that I wasn't only carrying a heavy season of life.

I was also in perimenopause.

And I didn’t know it.

When Life Starts Feeling Harder Than It Should

Looking back now, I can see it clearly.

The exhaustion was one of the first things I noticed. Not tired from being busy. Not tired from having young kids. I knew what those things felt like.

This felt deeper.

I was getting through my days, but everything seemed to require more effort than it used to. By the end of the day, I felt completely depleted.

Then there was the brain fog.

I had spent years building a career in accounting and finance. I was organized. Productive. Focused. I was used to being able to sit down, solve problems, and get things done.

Suddenly, focusing felt harder. Simple tasks took longer. I found myself distracted in ways that felt unfamiliar. I couldn't think as clearly as I always had before.

And because there was so much happening around me, I assumed it was all connected to the circumstances. The stress. The grief. The responsibilities. The season of life.

But there was more happening than I realized.

The Missing Piece

What I understand now is that two things can be true at the same time.

Life was genuinely hard. And my hormones were changing.

For years, I thought perimenopause was something that happened much later. I certainly wasn't expecting it in my late 30s while raising young children.

I didn't know brain fog could be hormonal. I didn't know exhaustion could be hormonal. I didn't know feeling unlike yourself could be hormonal.

Most importantly, I didn't know there were answers. I just kept trying harder.

The Appointment That Changed Everything

When I was 39, my doctor gave me a prescription for testosterone.

That appointment changed the way I viewed everything I had been experiencing. For the first time, I had an explanation.

I learned that low testosterone in women can contribute to many of the symptoms I had been struggling with for years.

Even then, I wasn't ready.

I trusted my doctor completely, but I didn't know anyone else my age talking about hormones. I didn't know anyone taking testosterone. The whole conversation felt unfamiliar.

So I held onto the prescription.

It wasn't until about a year later, after more research, more conversations, and more symptoms, that I decided I was ready to try it.

Looking back, I wish I had known then what I know now. I didn't need to spend a year wondering. I didn't need to feel so alone in the decision. I didn't need to feel like I was the only woman my age having this conversation.

What I needed was awareness.

I needed someone to tell me that perimenopause can start earlier than most women expect. I needed someone to tell me that hormones can affect far more than hot flashes. I needed someone to tell me that brain fog, exhaustion, and feeling unlike yourself can have an explanation.

That's one of the reasons I talk about it now.

Because if another woman recognizes herself in this story and gets answers sooner than I did — that's a conversation worth having.

What Changed

The biggest change wasn't that I suddenly felt perfect.

The biggest change was that I finally understood what I was working with.

I had language for what I was experiencing. I had answers. I had options.

Over the last year and a half, I've adjusted my prescription, paid closer attention to my body, started supporting my health differently, and learned more about hormones than I ever expected to.

The brain fog lifted. My energy improved. I feel more like myself again.

Looking back, I didn't realize how much of myself I had lost until I started to get her back.

What I Wish More Women Knew

If you're in your late 30s or 40s and feeling like something is off, pay attention to that.

Pay attention to the exhaustion. Pay attention to the brain fog. Pay attention to the feeling that you're working harder than you used to just to get through the day.

Life can be stressful. Motherhood can be exhausting.

But sometimes there's more to the story. Sometimes your body is asking for support.

And the sooner we start talking about perimenopause, hormones, and the mental symptoms that come with them, the sooner women can get answers.

That's what I wish someone had told me.

Because understanding what was happening didn't just change my health. It changed the way I experienced my life.

And every woman deserves that kind of clarity. 🤍

-Rachel

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